My Dearest Beloved,
I suppose by the time you read this you will be finishing up that intricate quilt you have been working on for the past couple of months. Thinking back to my memories, it was always a delight to watch the love of my life passionately work like a burning fire on the works she enjoys.
Do you remember the day we met? Because I can, vividly too. You bumped into me accidentally in an open road and profusely apologized with your head bowed no matter how much I said it was alright. At first, I was quite irritated. Who in the right mind would bump straight into me when there was so much space around us? But when you looked up at me, all I could see were those eyes. Those eyes that compare to the brightest and bluest sky that covers the Earth. And that smile that slowly bloomed on your face. It was a smile that was rarer than any gem found in the world. This—my dearest beloved—was the moment I fell in love with you.
When we met again in that café 10 blocks from our house, I realized that our meeting was not by chance, but by fate. The hint of recognition on your face as I walked towards you to ask if we could drink our coffees at a table together made me feel excited and warm on the inside. Casual conversations starting up from anything that comes to mind like our favorite weather or the significance of pinky promising had caused me to be the most amused I have ever been in my life—and it all happened because of you.
Meeting your family felt like a new wave of comfort. Growing up with parents who had expected you to grow up educated and rich was not an ideal childhood home. The constant pressure to be better than everyone else while pushing yourself to not be a disappointment was extremely challenging. However, seeing your family become so welcoming and hospitable towards me was something I’ve never experienced before. Presenting me with immense amounts of food that my stomach could explode, sharing stories that set a happy mood in the household, and showering me with a look that screamed homeliness. I finally felt that my inner child was healing, and I could finally feel a part of a family I desired.
When the news about the war breaking out reached our little town, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of duty and a desire for a new adventure. I knew the repercussions and how we would not be able to see each other. In the end, though, I signed up to become a soldier because of my overwhelming want to protect this country. Protect our home.
But seeing your face full of agony and terror when I announced to you about my recruitment shattered my heart into ten thousand pieces. Your strained and tearful face made me realize that this was a big mistake. That I should have instead stayed with you till the end of our days. But it was too late by then. Even though we pinky promised to see each other again, I regret that I knew that this would be broken because I knew deep down that this was a foreshadowing of the reason that I will leave this world.
Yesterday, I was doing my regular nightly checkup around the trenches. I must admit, living in the trenches of the war is absolutely horrendous. The trenches are always filled with muddy water, there are barely any places to sleep, the sun’s heat gets too hot during the day, and the available food never tastes like home. But as I looked into the sky during my walk, I felt my eyes widen. The night sky—looking like an inky, dark abyss—was filled to the brim with shining, bright stars. No matter where you looked, there was a speck of brightness in the dark hole above me. While this was a beautiful scene, I couldn’t help but think of you.
I couldn’t help but think of your bright, baby blue eyes that always sparkled when looking at a new dress or a new piece of fabric. I couldn’t help but think of your beaming blond hair that had the texture of the finest silks in the world. I couldn’t help but think of your passionate attitude that would put so much effort into making anything achievable. I couldn’t help but think of your smile. Oh, your beautiful smile. The smile that made me fall in love with you.
As I am writing this letter, I can feel a cold shiver going down my spine as tears well up my eyes. If this letter somehow reaches you, then that means that this letter has officially become the symbol of how I have left you alone in this cruel world with our beautiful daughter that has yet to be born. What will our daughter look like? Will it have your alluring eyes? My black hair? I guess I’ll never know.
I’m sorry we couldn’t go on that outside picnic you wish so much to do. I’m sorry we couldn’t make a quilt together like you wanted to symbolize our bond. I’m sorry we couldn’t start the family you’ve been dreaming of since you were 6 years old. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it by Christmas like I pinky promised.
I can’t help but worry that you may be reading this letter with tears in your eyes. But I wish for you to not and instead read this as a memory trip into how much I love you.
I hear the sounds ringing signaling that my time is up. My beloved, my love, my angel, my whole world, you have been the light to my darkness, my star in my sky, my rose to my thorns. You will forever be in my heart as I am in yours.
I love you.
Your darling love, Walter