I stare down and watch. Watch as it squirms around in a little coconut. A chipped piece on one side, the textures on the cup have been smoothed down from all the people who have used this. All of those turtles that have been released into the ocean. Free to live their life. Far away from us now, having their own little lives.
I am usually loud. I talk a lot. But staring down at that turtle I am speechless. I don’t need to say anything to be noticed. Talking will not make the turtle like me more. I don’t say anything. I just stand and think about that little turtle. At home I need to talk to be noticed. If I don’t talk, don’t work hard, I wouldn’t be noticed by everyone. I would be in the outer ring. Slowly drifting away. I wouldn’t go to all those parties, be invited by many friends. I have to work to be noticed there. But here not one ounce of effort will make the turtle like me more. I can’t sway it anyway, it just gets to think whatever it wants about me.
Who knew that small coconut could hold so much. To hold an entire body. A beating heart, just three days old. Not knowing their left from their right. Their ups from their downs. To not know anything. Then they are so perfect, so innocent. Not a scrape on them. Nobodys hurt them. Everyone just loves them so.
To think about when you were like that. You had no regrets in life. You feel the strongest then. Nothing you ever did was wrong. Nobody has ever been mad at you. To go back then. All you have to think about is your big life ahead of you. Not all of the regrets you have. We think one day we are going to end up as a fairytale princess. Anything and everything is possible.
The sun dips below the horizon, the sky lights up bright pinks and orange. I cautiously carry the turtle to the rope. Not wanting to cause its first scratch. My feet sink into the soft sand. It curls around my toes. I feel warm, as if it is comforting me. You could curl up and hide here forever. Here I am protected from everything. There is no monster that will jump out and hurt me. I never go out, will I have any meaning?
I look around as everyone takes photos of their turtle. Everyone is treating theirs like it’s their baby. Protecting it from the rest of the outside world. I wonder what my turtle thinks of me. This big monster it will never see again, just holding it. I can control the rest of its life. One slip and who knows what could happen. They are so small and fragile, not even fully developed. But, I have to let the turtle go, I have to let a lot of things go. Things that nobody remembers but me. Little mistakes I made in elementary school. I slowly lower it into the sand. I tilt the coconut over and the turtle just slides right out of it. Once out it didn’t just rush to the sea like I would expect it to. I thought turtles were born to sprint to the ocean. But no, the turtle just sat there. Thinking about life. Possibly even fearful of life, of its future, and how it is going to have to handle all of its problems, all the bumps. I think about all of the bumps I have gone over.
Then, it heads off. Heading right in the direction of the ocean. It would be just as easy to head up to land, but it knows exactly where to go. It moves with such purpose, knowing once it gets to the water it will be safe. I wonder how the turtle seems to just be born with these instincts. To get to the ocean. The ocean means safety. My turtle now seems to know that there is life and death on the line. Not every turtle seems to know that. My turtle is in the front of the pack on its way to the water. Some of the turtles have not moved more than a couple of inches from where they were released. Just sitting there, thinking. Some of the people working even had to help the turtles move closer to the ocean. I feel concerned for those turtles. Those are the underdog turtles. That does not mean they are done for. And sometimes, I hope, the underdog comes out on top.
“My turtles the worst, it has not even moved an inch.” My sister says. Not long later, my turtle makes it to the water. The wave takes my turtle away in a smooth motion. All it takes is one wave. The turtle is now safe from all of the dangers on land. It is free in the ocean. The water is its shield from reality. As the turtle swims away, I let it swim away with my fears. It is taking it far, far, away for it to never haunt me again. I stare out at the ocean. The waves ripping away at the still water. I want it to never harm the turtle. It could just tear it away, the turtle is so small. But, it is also strong. It’s a tiny fighter. Might even be stronger than me.
That turtle is now probably miles and miles away from where we released them. It now has a life of its own outside its little perfect coconut. It is probably just like all of us. It has made mistakes in life, mistakes it will regret. It has gone over many bumps. But it will also wake up tomorrow with a full day to live, just like us. Not everyone gets that. The sun will not stop rising and setting because we made a mistake, so why should we?