Dear Boss,

After spending a whole day undercover on this mesmerising planet “Earth” like you sent me to do, I’ve been shocked by how these meat species — that I soon learnt were called ‘humans’ — treat such a beautiful scenic planet..

I started the day off, nice and early at 5am earth time, however soon learnt that the majority of the meat species did not come out of their habitat until much further in the day. So after many hours I finally went out again in an attempt to go find a place called a “coffee shop” that I’ve learned many of the human species in their early twenty earth years like drinking as their morning beverage.

On my way, I was truly captured by how mesmerising everything looked. There’s this unique material that paints the ground of this planet green called ‘grass’. Each strand is a different shape and it stands tall. I must confess, it’s quite ticklish when you stroke your feet through it – I even had to hold in my giggle at times.

Though the beauty continues, boss! When I looked up at the sky, instead of seeing boring shades of darkness like on our planet, I saw a breathtaking symphony of vibrant colours with gold dripping through the layers. There were also these splotches of white in the sky that I still have to research about but they were so uniquely shaped. And in the middle of the masterpiece, I saw the sun rising like a phoenix from the ashes. I never knew the sun could look so beautiful.

As I strolled through the puzzling paths on planet earth, I quickly found myself on a busy street that must’ve been the city. The city was definitely strange to me. It was filled with interestingly looking humans who each had their own peculiar looks. They all had different noses, eyes, lips — all that are made out of meat I’m sure — but the one thing that most of them had in common was that they were all staring at these devices. I asked around and after a couple judgmental looks I learnt that it’s called a ‘phone’. I don’t know why they were all glued to those tiny screens though when there was a whole enchanting planet for them to look at. Did I even mention that the famous myth of the ocean is real? That’s a whole nother story! Though I must say that it was much more grey than I expected. From all the stories I looked at in our catalogue on earth, I thought the ocean would be more clear and blue? Maybe we got that wrong…

As I continued to try and find a ‘coffee shop’ I saw a couple things that confused me. There were a couple humans who were sitting on the floor with cups out pleading for money. They were dirty and tired, any species with eyes could tell that, yet no one seemed to help them. Instead of seeing them as souls in need of help, the humans seemed to just regard them as obstacles that littered the sidewalk. I couldn’t help but to question how a planet filled with so many resources can still have humans sleeping on filthy streets and why no one does anything about it?

I tried not to dwell on it too much, I told myself that a cup of ‘coffee’ will cheer me up for sure! Boy was I wrong… Shortly after, I had another encounter that saddened me even more. In the distance, I observed this female, who I assumed was a mother, tirelessly trying to calm her baby in one meat hand while juggling bags in the other meat hand. Her young was crying and seemed very distressed but it wasn’t the young that I felt bad for, in fact, it was the mother I felt bad for. Despite her evident struggle, no one out of the crowd of humans offered to help her but instead gave her criticising looks. I couldn’t help but to quickly walk away from the scene before I could break down.

After all that, I finally saw a sign that said ‘Starbucks’. Earlier, I had done some searching on this cool website on planet earth called ‘google’ and apparently ‘Starbucks’ is very popular for their coffee. I walked into the door and immediately smiled at the smell of what I guessed was coffee that flooded the air. I could instantly tell why these humans like this “coffee” thing now. Though, my excitement quickly died down by the impatience of these human species. Everyone seemed to be in such a rush and seemed to forget how to treat the young barista with kindness. One human species even shouted “God how stupid could you be? Your job isn’t even that hard, all I want is a white mocha with two percent milk” and then they proceeded to list another six or seven requirements for their ‘coffee’.

I’ve been roaming on planet earth for less than two hours yet I’ve already seen enough of all this cruelty. I was quite bummed from all the things I saw in such a short time so when it was my turn to order I thought I’d treat myself to a cookie that was decorated with a fat man who had a long white beard and was in a red suit. I think it’s something to do with a holiday the human species celebrate called ‘Christmas’.

Sulking, I ate my cooking as I trudged back to the place I’m resting at during my stay on planet earth. Now I’m here writing this email to you Boss and I guess this planet was not what I expected at all. At first, I was full of excitement from the scenery of this planet but as I soon experienced the heartlessness of these humans it became very clear to me that this beautiful planet had been trashed by humans with ugly souls.

Sincerely,
XY748