As I woke up one morning, I wanted to get to school right away! I wanted to see my friends and catch up on what happened over the summer. My friend, Kiley, had gotten a new phone and Jayden had gone to Disney World. Lucky. I had gone to Kings Island but that wasn’t as cool. I met my teachers and ate lunch, talked a little bit and school was finally over. I was walking home when I saw something that gave me butterflies for no apparent reason. I would walk past and dream about getting first place and jumping higher than anyone ever has. I would dream about running the track and everyone cheering and shouting. It felt like I was dreaming about it for hours but, I got home in fifteen minutes and started working on my homework. It was when I sat down with my parents for dinner that I asked the question. We hadn’t had much money and I was very thankful for what I had. But the question still sprinted out of my mouth. “May I join the track team? I promise I will try as hard as I can. Plus, this year it’s free to join. So you won’t have to pay anything!”. There was silence. So much silence I was starting to get worried about their answer. “Do you remember all the sports and activities we let you join? You quit within two weeks! Are you sure you are going to stay focused and try you’re hardest in this one?.”, my mom said after taking a drink of her tea. “Yes! I will!”, I explained to her how I felt when I passed the track on my way home. My dad chuckled. “You must keep your grades up and stay focused in all of your academic classes. If not, we will pull you out of that sport and you will study in place of the time you spent at that track.”. My dad always had a temper. I was advanced in all my classes and tutored others for some lunch money. No one talked for the duration of the meal and once I was done, I excused myself and went to bed. The next morning I repeated my routine and went to school. Tried my hardest to pay attention in class but I just couldn’t. I was thinking about when track and field sign-ups were. Good thing I didn’t have a quiz today. A few months passed and I finally got to sign up for track and field. The first couple of conditioning practices were hard but, I eventually caught up and was getting better. For our first track meet, I chose to do the 100m. I was about to run my first race when something hit me in the stomach and my head hit the ground. Or it felt like it. Everything was closing in and I was getting hot all of a sudden. I got into my blocks and was preparing to run. Then I heard this voice. I could barely hear it over the noise from the bleachers. “You got this Bailey! Run like a girl and show them boys how it’s done!”. I was so relieved! My brother came home and was watching my track meet! He has been in the military for a few years and I haven’t talked to him in forever. But, there was another voice. One that was dark and cold. It gave me chills even though it was eighty degrees outside. I had heard this voice before. It told me I wouldn’t pass the semester exam and told me I didn’t belong in my friend’s circle. BAM! I ran. Ran away from that voice, ran away from my parent’s doubt, and ran towards my brother on the other side. I heard that voice trailing behind me. I was faster…better than that voice. I was so close to the finish line when I tripped. That voice had placed a barrier I couldn’t get over. I got up as fast as possible but not fast enough. I was so embarrassed. I can’t believe I got last place! My brother helped me across the field to the trainer because I had scraped my knee pretty badly. I didn’t talk much that evening. My parents asked questions and I didn’t answer. I ran to my room, slammed the door, and hid in my closet. It wasn’t very big so, I was crammed in by my embarrassment and shame. My brother walked in and just sat on my bed. I know he was laughing in his mind because he could only see my feet from under my clothes. I looked like a clothes monster with legs and feet. I sat up. Pants on my head like hair and asked my brother why he was in my room. I didn’t want an answer. I just wanted him to leave. But, he stayed and asked me what I was thinking before my race. “I was nervous for a little, then I got excited that you came, but then I heard a voice telling me I couldn’t do it.”. “Ahhh, my old friend.”, he said. I was so confused. Did he just say “Old friend”? “I met him on my first day in the military. We talked a little and I knew he wasn’t a great person. He told me things about myself that wasn’t true. I believed him. Eventually, I told him he wasn’t welcome anymore. I ignored him and he kept trying harder and harder to get my attention. But, I wouldn’t allow it.”, he said. “Try ignoring him. It Helps.”.
“How does ignoring him help?”, my daughter said from under her pillow. She had her first track meet today and I felt as though I should tell her my story. “It does! Trust me. I don’t know how but it does. Don’t listen to that voice that tells lies. You are able to do anything, Tabitha! Just believe in yourself.