“I have a question for you.”
A moment passes, then her phone dings.
“Yes, whats up?”
Staring at her phone. She didn’t expect her to answer so quickly. She starts getting nervous, this question can only snowball from here. The only uncertainty is whether it will make a gracious snowman, or if it will be thrown, creating a big mess, one not so easily fixed, because you can never get the same snow in that snowball again.
She stuffs her phone into her pocket. Overwhelmed by the probable outcome. She walks to her next class ignoring the ‘what if’ thoughts that came to mind. She’s too scared.
Her next class is English, and only recently she discovered a love for the class. Today she is to write an essay about her fears, and only one fear comes to mind. Him.
After that class she knew what she had to do. She texted her,” I think I want to tell him I like him.”
Almost immediately she responds, “you should, what’s the worst that could happen?”
“But I don’t know what to say.”
“Just speak from the heart. Tell him what you feel.”
A couple seconds pass as she tries to fathom how to “speak from her heart.” Then her phone dings again, “or… I could tell him for you.”
She smiles, she likes that option, she’s not particularly good at directly talking about her feelings, she is much better at expressing them. Option 2 by default is her favorite. But option 1 is much better, it’s best for her to be direct and honest. And she knows that. But what if it doesn’t end well? If he does like her back? Things will become weird between them. And then one day she’s back to saying, “oh him? I used to be friends with him.” She cares immensely for him. She’s so scared of losing him again. So, it makes sense for her friend to tell him, it can’t go too wrong. If it does, she can always lie about her feelings towards him. She has a safety net under this scary tight rope she’s walking.
“Okay, I want you to tell him. Just say you think I like him.”
“Sounds good. I texted him saying I need to tell him something”
She read this text 3 times. She’s scared. What If he doesn’t like me. And The snowball starts rolling downhill.
It’s now 6th period, none of her friends are in class yet. She slowly treads towards her chair. Dragging her feet slowly behind her, her sandals sliding along the floor. Her mood immediately plummeted as she walked through the doors. She’s supposed to be here. She sits down and grabs her phone. The bell rings telling the students it’s time for class. She starts tapping on her phone directing herself to the messaging app, once there she goes to her messages, then to their conversation. She types out the message, ‘where are you?’ But before she can send it, she walks through the door.
“Oh hi, where were you?” she says to her friend while she walks towards her normal seat, “Just come sit next to me, she’s not here today.” Her friend changes the direction she’s going and heads to the seat next to her, sits down and they look at each other, “So… Did he answer?”
“Yes, and no? He changed the subject.” Her friend replies
“Not really sure what that means.” She speaks
“Yeah, me neither. Sorry. But it’s not no.”
“But it’s not a yes either.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
She looks off in the distance, completely devastated. The snowball rolls faster now. She doesn’t know what to think of this.
Class goes on like normal, her friend keeps texting him, but he ignores her texts. But not all her friends’ texts, only the ones involving her feelings. It’s the only thing on her mind right now. She brushes it off and acts like it’s just no big deal. Her friend doesn’t notice. Well, at least until the end of the hour.
In the last five minutes of class, her friend has a rush of determination, she’s going to get a response from him. She texts him again. Only this time, she tells him the truth, “I don’t think, I know she likes you.” Her heart starts pounding racing at the speed of light. She knows what his answer will be. The snowball rolls faster and faster.
Then, the bell rings. And she can’t see the response.
“What did he say,” she asks?
“I didn’t see it; he’s just avoiding the question…”
“But he responded.”
“No. Just Avoiding the topic still, he just keeps denying it. He refuses to admit anyone can even tolerate him.”
“That’s ridiculous, I obviously more than tolerate him.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“What?”
“I have to go to class now bye.” And her friend darts through the door. She brushes off the moment quickly and returns to her worry.
She leaves the classroom and starts heading towards her last hour. Normally on her path to her 7th hour, she sees him and every time she greets him. And just that happens, there he is. Just like every time, she calls out his name and waves. But this time he didn’t say anything back, or wave, or even acknowledge her.
He ignored her.
She looks away and down at the ground. What did she do? She can see the finish line. And it looks like a wall. She made a mistake.
And then without warning everything makes sense. Why did her friend bolt out the door? Why did he ignore her? Her friend runs up to him and locks her arms around his. He looks down and smiles at her. The snowball was never rolling down a hill, it was in her friends’ hand all along and now it’s hurling its way towards the wall. Then splats into a million individual snowflakes, unable to ever be put back together in the same way again.